My Toothbrush Is Smarter Than You (Part 1)

My toothbrush is smarter than you.

I’m not saying this to anger or provoke you. I am simply stating a fact. And if it makes you feel any better, the toothbrush is smarter than me, too. I don’t mean smarter in the sense that it can answer Jeopardy questions faster than you or blow you out of your seat with its wit. No, where my toothbrush leaves you and I in the dust is oral hygiene. Which, when you stop and consider it, is really the only place where a “smart toothbrush” could have any advantage.

My new toothbrush is the Oral-B ProfessionalCare SmartSeries 5000 with SmartGuide. Notice how they use “smart” in the product description more than once. It’s almost like the company is rubbing it in your face how super intelligent their new toothbrush is. My everyday-no-name-toothbrush (that is, in comparison, as dumb as the day as long) shrinks into a fetal position in this beast’s shadow. And I do mean “beast”. This toothbrush is downright intimidating as it comes with so many setting, you kind of feel like you are getting ready for a monumental event rather than just going through the motions of your daily oral hygiene.

Dude, this toothbrush comes with an instruction manual. AN – INSTRUCTION – MANUAL! Guess what! You’ve been brushing your teeth wrong all these years and using tools as archaic as the rock and stick when you should be using lightsaber’ish futuristic power toothbrushes. Turns out I’ve been using my own muscles like a sucker when I could have had my toothbrush doing all the work for me. Man, am I ever disgusted!

Not that I’ve been doing it all wrong, mind you. I haven’t had a cavity since I was in college (as far as you know) and brush my teeth on a regular basis. I haven’t been flossing as often as I should, but don’t worry, my dentist gives me a guilt trip every 6 months about it. Once of these days, he’ll get to me. Until then, I’ve been pretty successful with what I do so far, thank you very much. And, yes, my little geeks brush their teeth as often as I do, if not more so. In fact, my wife and I are a little militant when it comes to teeth brushing at our home where the kids are involved. We watch them, inspect their mouth afterwards, and then we dive in with the very floss we seldom use ourselves. One of these days, the little geeks are going to start getting wise to our double-standard, until then, GAME ON.

By now, you should be asking how a toothbrush that will make me question my own abilities would be a welcome addition to my household. Honestly, it isn’t. At least, not yet. I just got the thing and am still learning all that it does. Let me summarize just a few of the interesting features this power toothbrush from the year 5000 comes with.

  • Pressure Sensors: If you brush your teeth too hard, the power toothbrush is smart enough to know it. It’ll flash an angry light at you, getting your attention, and letting you know you need be less Hulk’ish.
  • Wireless SmartGuide: Wireless technology has been added and communicates with a small digital readout device that helps time your brushing, lets you know when you should move on to another side of your mouth, and awards with you a smiley face when you’ve done a good job.
  • Advanced Oral-B FlossAction Brush Head: As close to flossing as you can get without actually flossing, as it not only cleans your teeth but also surrounds the individual tooth getting into the grooves.

I’m sad to report that telepathic abilities and time travel do not come standard. At least, I haven’t seen it mentioned in the instruction manual…yet.

So, here is the challenge. I’ve been asked to use this toothbrush for about a month and then let you know if it was worth it. Considering that this little piece of hardware will set you back more than a few bucks, it’s going to need to do a fantastic job. I’m a single income family and not in the market of buying a toothbrush that costs the equivalent to my weekly grocery bill. Not only will this toothbrush need to knock the plague off my teeth, but also my socks.

Let’s summarize what we know so far by reviewing the following image.

Hal 9000 + Cyberdyne Systems Model 101 Series 800 Terminator = Oral-B ProfessionalCare 5000

My toothbrush is supposedly the “bee’s knees” and just might rock my world. Or, it just might jiggle my brain as it vibrates the insides of my skull. We’ll have to use it and find out, but I am already excited about the idea that this piece of dental hardware will make my teeth-brushing faster and easier. As a dad of three with a full-time job, and a large household to help run, my time for anything is limited. If I can reduce in some areas without limiting quality, that is a fantastic bonus worth investigating. We’ll see in a month’s time. Until then, so long old toothbrush, I shall see you soon (maybe).

I should also let you know that Oral-B is offering a $10 mail-in rebate on select power toothbrushes April 29 through June 16, 2012. Visit for more information. You can also follow the company on Twitter and like them on Facebook. Two easy ways to get info on the latest deals and steals.

I wrote this review while participating in a blog tour by Dad Central Consulting on behalf of Oral-B and received a product sample to facilitate my review and a promotional item to thank me for taking the time to participate.

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About Cyrus

Editor in Chief, Owner/Operator, Board Game Fanatic, Father of Three, and Nice Guy, Cyrus has always enjoyed board, card, miniature, role playing, and video games, but didn't get back into the hobby seriously until early 2000. Once he did, however, he was hooked. He now plays board games with anyone and everyone he can, but enjoys playing with his children the most. Video games continue to be of real interest, but not as much as dice and little miniatures. As he carefully navigates the ins and outs of parenting, he does his very best to bestow what wisdom he has and help nurture his children's young minds. It is his hope and ambition to raise three strong, honorable men who will one day go on to do great things and buy their Mom and Dad a lobster dinner. Cyrus goes by the handle fathergeek on Board Game Geek. You can also check him out on Yes, he has a URL that is his name. His ego knows no bounds, apparently....

One Response to My Toothbrush Is Smarter Than You (Part 1)

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