Five Reasons NOT to Attend Gen Con

Gen Con is “the convention” to attend if you’re a board game lover. Games of all types are played, sold, and discussed ad nauseam for 4 days straight. There are also live events to attend, celebrities to fawn over, and contests to win. It’s truly an incredible event and one of the largest geek culture gatherings currently located on planet Earth. I know, it sounds horrible, right? Here are five reasons why you are making the right decision by not attending.

You Dislike Having Fun

Gen Con is simply oozing with fun and entertainment. The entire event is geared around enjoyment. Every table either has a collection of geeks talking excitedly about their favorite movie/TV show/character/anime/game/etc. or junked up with a game. Moreover, every inch of the hallway is being traveled by men, women, and kids who are constantly smiling and talking excitedly. The deafening noise of celebration and fellowship is enough to make your ears ring.

You Don’t Care for Crowds

And don’t even think about going into the Dealers Hall. Imagine, if you will, a giant indoor space dedicated to nothing more than game demos and sales. Every table you stop at, an eager and polite individual will go out of their way to answer any questions you might have about a game and then have the nerve to take the time to teach you how to play it. Expect to be overly annoyed when they ask you questions like “how do you like the game”, “can I answer any questions”, and the worst of the worst, “thanks for taking the time to play – here’s a coupon if you care to buy the game.” What a bunch of jerks.

But things get even worse when you sign up for a game and have to site down and play it. Not only are you sitting at a full table with other gamers who just happen to want to be there (supposedly), but you have to suffer learning how to play the game with yet another overly polite individual in a giant room full of eager and attentive gamers. It’s enough to make you want to wretch.

It’s also worth noting that in 2012, 134,775 gamers attend Gen Con. At Gen Con 2013, 159,000 gamers plopped down and played games. If the trend continues, Gen Con is only going to get bigger. Expect parking to be a nightmare.

You Cannot Stand Playing Games

Since you don’t like rolling dice, moving bits, shuffling cards, or pushing plastic, not going is the right choice. Games of all types and sizes are played at Gen Con. Even giant versions of really small games can be played. Pieces so big that they are played out in hallways and should only be lifted with bent knees. You can even play games that are still being designed by people who actually want your input. There are also video games and live action role-playing games. It’s insane how so many people think it’s a good use of their time to site down and have “fun” with people.

If you don’t like horses, you wouldn’t go to the track. If you don’t like cars, you wouldn’t go to the races. If you don’t like games, you don’t go to Gen Con.

You Hate Geek Culture

If you were to randomly fall backwards at anytime at Gen Con, you’d fall on no less than 20 geeks. Oh, sure, they’d break your fall, but afterwards you’d have to talk to them. And they’d talk back. In fact, you might never get a word in. All things “geek” are discussed and debated at Gen Con. People even dress up like their favorite characters. Prepare to bump into every Japanese anime character ever conceived and jump out of the way of running Star Wars Stormtroopers as they storm and troop. There are scheduled events where people gather to discuss, in great detail, movies, comics, and books. You will be forced to hear why one Doctor Who was better than another and be assaulted by zealots who believe Joss Whedon is a god. Avoid at all cost any discussion with wargame players unless you like a good verbal thrashing.

You Enjoy Denial

Finally, if you need one last reason why it was a great idea not to attend Gen Con, rest easy in the knowledge that denial is a comfy bed to lie in. You don’t want to go hang out with friends, meet people who love the same things you do, or talk endlessly about your passions. Gen Con is more than 96 hours of highly concentrated “geekiness” and excitement. Truly a horrible event and a complete waste of your time. Thank goodness you decided to stay at home and watch the clouds slowly float by.

Now, don’t you feel better?